Sex addicts rationalize, minimize, and excuse their compulsive behavior.
I am only lovable if I... - examples:
When you ignore reality, you fail to detect and consider risks accurately - as a result you suffer consequences.
Give some examples:..
Defenses protect us (our conscious mind) from painful realities (against painful feelings, thoughts, and situations in our families and lives).
They filter out things we may not want to recognize, and they change our perceptions so things feel more comfortable. In a sense, defenses distort reality, and to the extent that they distort reality, they cause problems in everyday functioning, especially in interpersonal relationships. Defenses cause problems because they keep people from coming to a consensus about what is true, or real, or fair. It's as if we're speaking different languages.
To protect ourselves against uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we develop a set of automatic mental reactions called defenses (or defense mechanisms). These mechanisms begin in childhood and are a normal part of development.
Defenses are normal. Everyone has them and uses them, but addicts use them to maintain addictive behaviors and thoughts. As addiction progresses, defenses become more and more powerful and rigid, hiding the worsening consequences of addictive behavior. Part of recovery is looking at reality and taking responsibility for the uncomfortable consequences of our addiction. This often means developing more mature defenses that allow more flexible thinking and more honest and wholesome ways of being in the world.
Defenses come in many different forms. We may close our eyes to the destructive consequences of acting-out, or we may explain our addiction away in an intellectual fashion that saves us from having to feel. Another common defense is blaming, during which we find fault with someone else to avoid looking at our own responsibilities.
Hopelessness / Helplessness / Victimhood
attempting to justify why something is not a problem
drawing invalid conclusions, not based in reality, i.e., using words like "never, always."
Justifying / explaining an unacceptable behavior - it's a way of making the irrational sound rational (avoiding the true explanation for the behavior).
Mental "tricks" -excuses, justifications, an arsenal of ready answers for those who confront or question addicts behavior.
Rationalization not only prevents anxiety, it may also protect self-esteem and self-concept. When confronted by success or failure, people tend to attribute achievement to their own qualities and skills while failures are blamed on other people or outside forces.
Examples Rationalizations:
I need to relieve my stress, anger, etc
I'm not hurting anyone else
I can quit any time I feel like it, I was able to control this stuff for several months in a row – I do not have a real problem here – I am just doing a small mischief to my wife and myself
It relaxes me
Entitlement - I had a hard day today,
Rationalization, like any other defense mechanism, becomes a problem to the extent that it distorts reality and causes problems. When we rationalize our behavior to ourselves or to someone else, we cease to be genuine and honest, and we foster the ongoing thought and behavior patterns that promote addiction and frustrate recovery.
Am I sexually addicted?
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What's the difference between having a high sexual appetite and being sexually addicted?
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Sex in and of itself is not a bad thing. The bad thing about sex as an addiction is that the addict uses sex to cope with life. As with the alcoholic, a sex addict doesn't turn towards sex simply to satisfy a high drive. A sex addict turns to sex as a means of dealing with his existence. Like alcoholism, sexual addiction will trash the addict's life. The difference is that sexual addiction works through the most intimate areas of human relationships.
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Justification (a) Moral Justification (i.e., the abusive act was beneficial to the child), (b) Psychological Justification (i.e., blaming external forces, such as innate sexual orientation, for the abuse), (c) Palliative Comparison (i.e., viewing the abuse relative to other behaviors that are perceived as more heinous), and (d) Euphemistic Labeling (i.e., substituting agreeable expressions for those carrying negative connotations).
Misperception of Consequences. This process includes minimizing (e.g., "the child didn't suffer"), ignoring ("I don't care"), and misattributing the consequences of the abuse ("irresponsible caregivers are to blame").
Devaluing and Attributing Blame to the Victim. This process includes the dehumanization of the victim (e.g., "she's a slut anyway") and attribution of blame (e.g., "most women want to be raped").
The sex addict is always finding ways in which it is other people's fault that he is acting-out (unhappy, frustrated, etc). Since he doesn't understand how his own thoughts are creating the events of his life, this may seem logical.
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In what ways have you tried to deny, rationalize, explain, or justify your sexual behavior to yourself, your family and friends or others?
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Distorted thinking plays a contributory role in an individual's decision to commit a sex offense.
See also: