There are a wide range of views about sexuality and what healthy sexuality is and is not. Defining healthy sexuality is a daunting task.
In many relationships it is likely to include mutual caring, respect, openness, consent, sharing, safety, and trust. When present, these qualities cultivate emotional intimacy between partners in relationships.
“An expression of love between two people”
A fine line exists between what may be considered acceptable sexual behavior and what is sexually addictive or compulsive.
· Enhances self-respect
· Has no victims, is shared and open
· Deepens meaning
· Uses vulnerability for excitement
· Cultivates sense of being adult
· Improves sense of self
· Expands reality
· Relies on safety
· Is mutual and intimate
· Takes responsibility for needs
· Brings legitimate feelings
· Originates in integrity
· Presents challenges, always changing
· Integrates authentic parts of self
· Is playful and fun
· Accepts the imperfect
· Has freedom and choices
· Is always an act of self-love
· Recognizes limits
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Whatever is going on inside of us before, during and after sex, including talking about all “positive” emotions and also about any insecurities, hesitations, feeling distant, not feeling loving, not feeling turned on, feeling angry, wanting to stop, etc.
Talking about this during, and even stopping and talking and then deciding whether to continue or not.
The important part is the connection, the relationship, the love and expression and feeling between us, not the act itself. Sometimes it can be gentle and soft and sweet and tender, other times it can be raw and powerful and wild. It can be fast or slow. The important thing is that we are both really following what is inside of us and we both are free to stop or change or talk about how it is or is not right for us.
There are no walls between us, no secrets, no lies. We are truly naked with each other. I am truly naked with myself. I have no shame because I have no secrets. I have no secrets because I have no shame. I do not fantasize about anyone else when having sex. I do not fantasize about doing something else. I am totally with myself, with the other person and with what we are doing together.
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Sexuality can be viewed as an attachment behavior that facilitates closeness and creates bonding between two people. When sexuality is safe, it can help create mutual acceptance, affection, and admiration. Several aspects of the sexual experience require risk taking and vulnerability. From an attachment perspective, vulnerability within a reasonably safe environment and relationship deepens emotional intimacy. On the other hand, vulnerability, without a certain degree of safety and loyalty, can result in deep wounds.
Healthy attachment evolves in relationships as partners become accessible and responsive to each other and share the intimacies of their lives. Consistent accessibility and responsiveness to various needs in the relationship creates the safety, security, and context for emotional vulnerability and engagement to occur. In order to be accessible and responsive, each partner has to focus on the other person, accurately understand the other’s needs, and respond to those needs in a manner consistent with traits that cultivate intimacy. In this greater context, many couples report satisfying and meaningful sexual relations
See also: intimacy, addictive sexuality