Excerpted from The Betrayal Bond
Two factors are essential in understanding traumatic experiences: how far our systems are stretched and for how long.
Some events happen only once or just a few times, but the impact is so great that trauma occurs (rape, accident, assault and some types of child molestation).
Some trauma experiences are relatively minor, but they happen every day. The hurt accumulates. Many acts of child neglect, for example, in themselves are not that serious. Every parent has moments of not being able to cover all the bases. A consistent pattern of neglect, however, creates incredible anxiety in a child and leaves serious lifelong wounds. Other examples include living in a toxic marriage or working in a toxic corporation. Little acts of degradation, manipulation, secrecy and shame on a daily basis take their toll. Trauma by accumulation sneaks up on its victims.
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"Persons are traumatized when they face uncontrollable life events and are helpless to affect the outcome of those events." (Lindemann 1944). Many people suffer deep emotional and psychological pain and are systematically traumatized from living with addicts. After repeated failures and disappointments while trying to gain some semblance of control, feelings of fear, frustration, shame, inadequacy, guilt, resentment, self-pity and anger mount, as do rigid defense systems. A person who is abused or traumatized may develop dysfunctional defensive strategies or behaviors designed to ward off emotional and psychological pain. These might include self-medicating with chemicals (drugs or alcohol) as well as behavioral addictions that affect their brain chemistry by bingeing, purging or withholding food, or engaging in activities such as excessive work or high-risk behaviors such as risky sex or gambling. These behaviors affect the pleasure centers of the brain, enhancing "feel-good" chemicals and minimizing pain. This means of handling trauma leads to the disease of addiction.
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Intimate relationships trigger unresolved pain from the past. Early childhood traumas such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, divorce—or seemingly lesser traumas such as being ignored or misunderstood by those whom we most wish to understand us and are dependent upon for our sense of healthy connectedness—lie dormant within us if our coping style has been inhibition rather than confrontation and disclosure.
Then the pain gets triggered without the understanding and self-awareness that we would have, had we gradually and over time resolved our feelings related to the trauma.
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Sex addicts grow up in an environment of significant dysfunction which may be passed from generation to generation.
These people live with chronic stress. They are constantly in a war zone (addicted parents: physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse).
isolation and superficiality....
They try to survive and to find that "bandage" which will help them cope with the pain. This is characteristic of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Research suggests that PTSD has a unique biological profile consisting of alterations in the sympathetic arousal, the neuroendocrine system, and the sleep/dream cycle. This profile distinguishes PTSD from both major depression and panic disorders. The body is in a perpetual state of "fight or flight" that causes many neurobiochemical changes.
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