Boundaries may be emotional, psychological, sexual, or moral.
If you violate someone else's boundaries you also violate your own boundaries. What boundaries have you crossed in your pursuit of a your sexual high?
For example, staying up late to watch a sexually stimulating move, or skipping meals to act out sexually are both examples of violating your own physical boundaries.
Most sexual thoughts and behaviors represent violations of moral or religious boundaries.
Peeping on a family member represents a violation of family boundaries and a violation of someone else's personal boundaries.
The nature of boundaries
How relational trauma in childhood interferes with being intimate
How to speak from a place of humility
How to listen from a place of curiosity
Overcoming the urge to control or manipulate a partner
Stopping the blame game
Moving from a place of defensiveness to a place of intimacy
Emotional accountability
Boundaries as a form of spiritual practice (energizing a relationship by moving from negative to positive energy)
Boundaries - limits we set and maintain with others in our lives. We learn how to let other people know how we wish to be treated and what kinds of behavior we will and will not accept. Unless we accept personal responsibility for establishing and sticking to healthy boundaries in our relationships, we run the risk of harboring resentments or casting ourselves in the role of the victim. The danger in playing the victim is that we might develop a sense of entitlement to act out. Our sponsor can help us set appropriate boundaries and keep us accountable.
Talking at an intimate level at the first meeting
Falling in love with a new acquaintance
Falling in love with anyone who reaches out
Being overwhelmed by a person - preoccupied
Acting on the first sexual impulse
Being sexual for your partner, not yourself
Going against personal values or rights to please others
Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
Accepting food, gifts, touch, or sex that you don't want
Touching a person without asking
Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting
Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving
Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
Letting others direct your life
Letting others describe your reality
Letting others define you
Believing others can anticipate your needs
Expecting others to fill your needs automatically
Falling apart so someone will take care of you
Telling all
Self-abuse
Sexual and physical abuse
Food and chemical abuse
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Sexual Boundaries
By now you are probably getting the sense that recovery from sex addiction has something to do with identifying and maintaining boundaries. This is true of any recovery, whether it is alcohol, drugs, sex or food. With sexual addiction recovery, you definitely need to address all sexual activity and identify what is healthy for you and your partner.
The history the sex addict has with his partner, may be long and scarred by his addiction. I have worked with couples where the addict involved his partner in sexual behaviors that she did not want to perform including times she did not want to have sex and was forced. These events were traumatic for the partner. If these situations have occurred in your past, you may consider letting your partner receive professional help so that she can return to a healthy sexual relationship with you once again.
Boundaries involving sexual activity need to be agreed upon by both partners, not just yourself. For most sex addicts, growth in your sexuality will seem awkward at first but in the long run will increase the possibility of a great, mutually enjoyable sex life together.
Boundaries About Boundaries
In your recovery, you will go through many different stages. During your growth you may consider changing your boundaries around entertainment and other areas. This can be a positive experience if the timing is right. It can also lead to a relapse and may be a premeditated step toward a trigger or acting out if the timing is wrong.
In general, it is good to have some boundaries about boundaries. When changing your boundaries you may want to include talking to your sponsor or therapist before you make a decision by yourself. Ask God about the change and wait for a week or month after you decide to move a boundary before you actually do it. Together these boundaries about boundaries are helpful to prevent you from arbitrarily changing each boundary.
As an addict, you may be more likely to make a change because of a particular "feeling" instead of what may be in your best interest. Your addiction is very crafty at manipulating you through your emotions so it is best to have an external source that you can double check with to safeguard your precious recovery especially during the first year in recovery.
Listing My Boundaries
Making one list for boundaries can help you be aware of the different facets of your addiction. This list of boundaries may be a helpful reminder to review daily, or regularly, during your recovery. Your boundaries are already written out on previous pages. Just place in the space below a concise list of all of these boundaries.
HIV Tests
See also: Middle circle