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Recovery often begins with the admission that there is a problem. That is the key that unlocks the prison door. Stepping out takes courage, and involves seeking help. This is often made even harder for the sex addict because of the intense shame that often accompanies this particular addiction. The 12 Step programs (one addict helping another is the most effective and time proven way to recover) are often the safest place to seek help.
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Keys to recovery:
The first spiritual question for all addicts is, “Are you willing to get well?” This means has an addict really decided that he really wants to be free of the addiction and surrender his life to a “higher power.” Most of us who are recovering sexual addicts remember that there was a part of us that wanted to be free and a part of us that didn’t. Our addiction was a “friend” and we knew that it had helped us cope with our pain since early in our lives. Another part of us knew that our friend was killing us. If we were to give up the acting out, we wanted “a softer gentler way.” We wanted God to take away our problems without us having to do any of the work. We were also arrogant and prideful, thinking that we could take care of ourselves. We thought that no one else would, not even God.
Working the Steps - Introduction
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First order changes: clean your house from pornography.
You need someone to help you break this addiction. Overcoming the secrecy is absolutely vital. You probably can’t escape addiction without it. That doesn’t mean everyone has to know you’re struggling. Pick someone you can trust - someone you can completely trust, feel safe with and has experience in the area of addiction. Go to Twelve Step meeting.
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The first step is always the hardest and it takes guts.
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The treatment of sexual addiction and other addictive disorders involves three steps. The first or Level One change is the removal of the defensive and addictive behavior. But the process doesn’t end with sobriety. Next, the dysfunctional patterns in the recovering person’s relationship with self and others must change. These include control, secrecy, isolation, emotional distancing, poor self-care, and distorted cognitions. And finally, the early, shaming experiences must be uncovered and released as much as possible. Emotional, relational, intellectual, and spiritual development is the goal.
These goals are best achieved through the combination of psychotherapy, active involvement in a 12 step recovery group appropriate to the addict’s needs, and other direct work including reading relevant material, attending workshops, and so forth. The support of others, including other recovering addicts, is enormously valuable and useful. Depending on the severity of the addiction, medication and a period of appropriate inpatient treatment may also be valuable.
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Recovery from any addiction is hard. Both acute and post-acute withdrawal must be allowed to occur without resorting to the addiction, the emotional issues that helped to cause the addiction initially have to be addressed, and the damage in the person's life caused by the addiction must be gradually healed as much as possible. It is a lot of hard, tedious work.
12-step programs have been shown to be very helpful for most addictions. When
a 12-step meeting functions as it should it provides a place where the addicted
person can go to obtain help and fellowship without being shamed for having the
addiction. The 12 steps are only 12 suggestions, according to SAA literature,
and people are free to recover any way they wish.
The meetings provide an opportunity to gain strength and hope from the stories
of others, and to find friends and a sponsor (helper/guide) who can help them
through their recovery.
A good recovery program from addiction usually includes the following elements:
If you are considering entering treatment for an addiction, start by attending several 12-step meetings. Ask around for a good therapist. Look for someone who specifically works with sexual addiction. Interview more than one therapist if you need to do so. Choose one that you feel can help you.
All addictions have their basis in shame. Shame must be acknowledged in therapy and dealt with. Multiple addictions are an example of multiple connections to shame. Untreated concurrent addictions will block the healing of shame.
A therapist trained in sexual addiction is an invaluable recovery tool for both the individual and for the relationship. Some addicts and coaddicts benefit from intensive outpatient services or possibly inpatient treatment.
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The process of recovery brings the sex addict away from his distortion and denial, and forces him to realistically confront himself and the damage that has been done.
the most important step you can take is to acknowledge that sexual addiction is a real problem that won't go away by itself. You must take personal responsibility for your recovery.
Most addicts find it very difficult to change their behavior on their own. You may be able to minimize the behavior for a while, but often the cycle is too strong. A professional therapist can help you to understand what's happening and encourage you to take steps to change to a healthier sexual lifestyle.
An addiction is a chronic disease that is managed like diabetes.
Only with abstinence and recovery can the addict climb out of the depths of despair and hopelessness to a fuller, more rewarding life.
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When an addict begins treatment:
Recovery follows a predictable path: Willingness to grow -> Brutal honesty -> Responsibility and Ownership -> Integrity
To get on this path, the addict must:
recognize his problem (first step in 12 steps program)
be able to address their addictive behavior (brutal honesty), be willing to grow emotionally
understand the role that the addiction has served (Responsibility and Ownership)
learn the value of his self as a whole person, rather than as a sexual object (integrity)
Sex addict needs to understand that recovery is not possible without abstaining from sexual acting out.
Treatment and recovery for the sex addict:
4) A detailed family of origin history
Only when the sex addict is sober - he is able to develop a new sense of himself. He begins to appreciate his sense of strength and purpose.
Shame reduction is an important step in the treatment of sexual addiction. Feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse related to acting out behaviors may prevent people from seeking treatment.
Feelings of shame related to having traumatic childhood experiences. Changing one’s core beliefs about themselves is very important in overcoming the guilt and shame associated with sexual behavior.
See: 12 step groups and programs
See: individual therapy and group therapy
The process of building up the hope and confidence that cravings will be less difficult is an important part of the recovery process, and other sober, recovering people are often the best and most trusted resource for addicts struggling with the problem of cravings early in recovery.
The basic message that needs to be communicated is, "It gets better." In some ways, learning to cope with cravings by saying "no" to them is the foundation of a good recovery. it may be a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, or day-by-day process, especially in the beginning, but it is essential and can be a model for future success.
Small victories are what big recoveries are made of, and they need to be encouraged and reinforced. Sometimes it is helpful to remind the addict that his addiction was not created in a day, that it mostly was made of small steps that built up over time. Recovery, then, can be framed as a reversal of this process, which will not take as long nor be as painful.
A metamorphosis is starting which creates a change in the addict: physicall, mental, emotional, sociall, and spiritual.
Support needs to come from other recovering addicts, from family and friends who have educated themselves about this type of problem, and from professionals who have had training in sex addictions.
Talking means sharing with other recovering addicts, calling sponsors daily, and reaching out when you feel like indulging the craving for a sexual or romantic fix. Talking means telling the people about whom you care, and who care about you, what you are going through. Talking means finding a therapist whom you can trust and who knows about addictions, especially sex addictions.
You need other folks to help you (you are not able to get "cured" by yourself). You can not do it alone.
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caring, loving help and the observed experiences of others seems to make the acute withdrawal phase less painful or, at least, more tolerable. The feeling of safety gained from sponsors, Twelve Step meetings, and other members of the program, as well as in group and individual therapy, should help to reduce the chronic stresses these patients experience in dealing with people and life. Overcoming the paralyzing fear of sharing in meetings, with sponsors and other members of the program, helps to remove or reduce the stress of secrecy, with a resulting decrease in the "fight or flight" neuroendocrine challenge. The recovery process is a desensitization to fear and risk taking. People in a state of meditation or prayer and who accept a Higher Power (God), seem to have profoundly different neurobiochemical events going on in their brains than people who are actively involved in addiction., who are hyperactive and have abnormal levels of various hormones, such as adrenaline, as well as other neurotransmitters.
Unlike recovering alcoholics who must abstain from drinking for life, sexual addicts are led back into a normal, healthy sex life much in the way those suffering from eating disorders must relearn healthy eating patterns.
Recovery from sexual addiction is a lifelong journey. The recovery program is designed to set the addict on the road to recovery, to provide relapse prevention techniques, and to help them stay in recovery with the help of aftercare and Twelve Step recovery support groups.
Sexual Addicts who are not recovering have two possible destinations in life: Morgue, Prison
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chase your recovery like you chased your addiction...
Getting sober is easy; Staying in recovery is the challenge.
Make a list of:
five major problems caused by sex addiction
See also: