Mindset and/or behaviors that lead to self-destructive action and thwart achievement of my Goals
We have found it simplest to draw a circle. Inside this circle, we write down each one of the compulsive sexual behaviors from which we find it necessary to abstain. That will become our “Inner Circle” and everything inside is totally off limits for us.
These behaviors are the “drugs” we must stop using, the “alcohol” that gets us drunk and destroys our lives.
One day at a time, we abstain from all behaviors which we have placed in the Inner Circle …
Many of us may list behaviors such as: anonymous sex, voyeurism, masturbation with [or without] pornography, prostitution, sadomasochistic behavior, manipulative or angry sex within a relationship, phone sex, cross-dressing with masturbation, exhibitionism, child sexual abuse or incest.
In the inner circle we put the sexual behaviors we want to abstain from, the ones we consider "acting out." These are the behaviors that we identify, with our sponsor’s guidance, as addictive, harmful, or unacceptable for us.
Some of us put certain behaviors in the inner circle simply because they lead to an addictive pattern that can cause us trouble.
For example, we may put using pornography in our inner circle, or cruising (driving around or otherwise looking for sexual possibilities), if we experience powerlessness over these behaviors and find that they fuel a desire to act out more, or in more destructive ways.
Some of us may consider the same behaviors destructive and dangerous in their own right. We may, for instance, list pornography in our inner circle if it takes up too much of our time; leads to isolation, loss of employment, or damaged relationships; or causes ill health or emotional problems.
When we define our inner circle, or otherwise identify what acting out is for us, we eliminate possible confusion concerning our program, and about what we mean when we use terms such as "acting out" or "abstinence."
based on www.slaafws.org
A primary and critical step in beginning recovery from sex addiction is identifying our Bottom Line behaviors - those activities from which we must refrain in order to attain physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wholeness.
For guidance, we turn to our sponsor, our Higher Power, and other members of 12-steps fellowship.
A change in our behavior - stopping the addictive pattern - one day at a time, marks the beginning of abstinence from compulsive and destructive acting-out.
The physical, mental, emotional, and often spiritual upheaval which generally accompanies the release of our addictive pattern is called withdrawal.
Acting-out - being involved in "bottom line" behavior.
Addictive indulgence is hall marked by loss of control over rate,
frequency, or duration of bottom line behavior.
This loss of control always leads to negative self destructive consequences
which, over time, continue to worsen.
Acting out patterns, and therefore "bottom line" behavior, can differ markedly among individual sex and love addicts. This acting out behavior can run the range from obvious promiscuity involving countless individuals, to solitary acts such as compulsive masturbation, voyeurism, and exhibitionism, to obsessive commitments to fantasy and romantic intrigue.
It may include hyper dependency problems involving one (or many) individuals. Some acting out patterns can involve all of the above, but more often a "bottom line" acting out scenario highlights one or two major areas.
Any sex outside of my marriage including all masturbation and all sexual fantasy.
Any sex within my marriage if I am not completely present or if I am using it to avoid feelings.
Looking for, or at, pornography (primarily on internet.)
See also: