Sponsorship Contract - Example

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Some sponsors prefer a written agreement between the Sponsor and the Sponsee.

This contract is a blueprint for establishing the preliminary framework for the Sponsor/ Sponsee relationship.

This contract should clearly set the tone and boundaries by outlining an accountability plan.

It teaches the newcomer how to begin the process of recovery by incorporating some of the tools of recovery, and it aids the sponsor in establishing goals. As part of this commitment, both the Sponsor and Sponsee date and sign it.

Here are some reasons for a written contract:

• some people come to the program and, without structure, never start to work the steps or get a sponsor.

• some people use the sponsor as a sounding board (they feel some temporary relief and continue to do the same things over and over)

Sometimes you will have to tell someone that they had not yet had enough pain to begin to work the program.

Let him know that you care about him, but that they are wasting your time and his.

Tell him that when he is serious about making the needed changes, you as a sponsor would be there for him.

Tell him that his repeated behavior is like watching someone take a cigarette and continue to burn their bodies, except that the scars were on the inside. It is too painful to watch it happening.

Sponsorship Contract - between the Sponsor and the Sponsee

Sponsor

You can expect from me as your sponsor:

• Availability to work on your boundaries, fire drills, circles, and steps. We can do this by phone, and/or by meeting in a safe, non-threatening place.

• Guidance—not friendship or a sexual relationship.

• Safety—I will stress your well being and safety. If I think you are placing yourself at risk, I will tell you. If I see pitfalls, I will address them.

• I will talk with you in times of goodness and also in times of distress.

• Honesty—I will share my own process of recovery as part of the 12th step. (Having had a spiritual awakening as a result

  of these steps, we try to carry this message to other sex addicts, and to practice these principles in all our activities.)

• I will not judge or shame you.

• I will continue to work on my own program.

• Boundaries—I will be clear my communications about limits AND limitations.

Sponsee:

I have several expectations and desired commitments from you as a Sponsee:

• Respect my boundaries

• Contact me at least ______ times a week for the first six weeks. We will renegotiate then
• Call at least ________ other people from the program at least once a week. (This helps expand your network and gets you comfortable with talking with others. This is especially important if you are having a crisis and need to talk during a time I may be unavailable. If you already have some familiarity, you will be more likely to call)
• Be truthful (sexual addiction is thriving on secrecy and lies)
• Before becoming involved in a new or old sexual relationship, discuss it with me and/or your therapist
• Attend at least two SAA meetings a week, more if you are having difficulty. If you can’t get to SAA, attend another 12-step program, one that deals with issues around sex, alcohol, drugs or food
• If you go out of town, get a list of meeting options in advance
• Start working the steps. Make the commitment to yourself. Start within the first three weeks
• I encourage you to share any of our discussions and work sheets with your therapist. I am not your therapist. I am a recovering sex and relationship addict. My role is to help you work this program of recovery which may be an adjunct to your therapy
• Make contracts with me and/or your therapist for your behavior
• Report secret behavior to your therapist and/or sponsor
• Purchase:

  - Sexual Addiction Recovery book (e.g. "SAA Green book",  Hope and Recovery, Patrick Carnes "Out of the Shadows, etc)

  - any morning meditation book (e.g. Answers in the Heart: Daily Meditations)

• Consult my Sponsor and/or Therapist before making any major decision (e.g. change of my marital status, changing my therapist, changing my bottom line/inner circle, disclosing my disease to family members, friends, etc ) in the the first year of sobriety

• Find a new sponsor if your current sponsor does not maintain sobriety or violates any of the above commitments, or if doing so will enhance your recovery.

   

Sponsor: _____________________                                                    Sponsee: _________________________

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The most important is Step work.

I tell prospective sponsees that if they want me to sponsor them then they will have to work the Steps. If not, then I tell them I cannot sponsor them. And if along the way they discontinue working the Steps, then I can no longer sponsor them. As for Step assignments, I pass along the Step assignments which my first sponsor gave me to work on - I can only give away what was given to me. If sponsees want to do a workbook, which there are plenty of in the recovery scene, they’re welcomed to do that, but I tell them to do the assignments that I hand out. Again, this is a matter of giving away what was given to me.

Last update: Sunday, February 25, 2007.  Feedback - send an email to: