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- When would you need to change a Sponsor?
- Poor reasons to change a Sponsor?
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How about a relapse?
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Do I have to take the Fifth Step with my Sponsor?
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What if I can't reach my Sponsor when I need him?
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Do I have to do what my Sponsor says?
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What if disagree with my Sponsor?
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What if my Sponsor won't return my phone calls?
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What if I have outgrown my Sponsor?
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What if my Sponsor tries to force his religious beliefs on me?
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If your relationship with a Sponsor is no longer working out for you because it's not supportive of your recovery, you can change your sponsor.
Having closure with your old Sponsor is a good way to transition to a new Sponsor. However, you may want to consider the motive behind changing your ponsor.
Be sure that you're not changing your Sponsor because he is doing the job of a Sponsor - e.g. challenging your behaviors and addictive thinking which can lead you to act out (perhaps even relapse).
Sometimes the work of a Sponsor consists of telling us what we don't like to hear. Check with another SAA member to see if your motives are warranted. However, if you don't feel like checking in with another member, this could be a sign that you're seeking "an easier, softer way."
"Our best thinking got us here..."
This is not suggested. It's often shared at meetings that our best thinking got us here. To Sponsor ourselves is to fool ourselves because essentially we're right back in our addictive thinking. In our active sex addiction we may have wanted to recover but we wanted to recover on our own terms by saying to ourselves, "I'll cruise just once a week," or, "I'll stop acting out on work days." Those promises eventually did not keep us sober.
So it is with recovery. We had to be open to this new territory called recovery and we needed the help of others who have been where we were and have found their way out. They have an idea of what we can expect on our journey of recovery because they have been where we are. In Sponsorship, we learn about humility by reaching out for help. Remember: we do not recover alone.
People in our lives who are close to us are not effective as our Sponsor because they are emotionally invested in us.
We need someone with a different perspective, who was not emotionally attached to us; and most important of all, who has worked the Twelve Steps.
We need to be honest in our step work especially with regards to working Steps One, Four, Five, Eight, Nine and Ten.
We need someone with an objective view of our past when we reveal ourselves in working the Twelve Steps.
Therapists, counselors and clergy have a wealth of knowledge and much information to share with us, but if they are to be our Sponsor they must be a Sponsor first with regards to working the Twelve Steps of SAA. It is very helpful if they themselves have worked the Twelve Steps in their own lives. In this way, they are "giving away what they have." If not, let them continue to be your therapist or clergy and get a Sponsor in the SAA program.
Knowledge and information about sex addiction are good facts to know, but they cannot keep us sober. We need to work the Steps with another sober sex addict and utilize the tools of the SAA program in order to live with our sex addiction on a daily basis in recovery.
Gain a sense of hope - having a Sponsor in SAA is not a requirement for membership, but having the desire to stop sexually addictive behavior is. Although there are some people who have some time in abstinence from their inner circle boundaries and don't have a Sponsor, most of us simply could not stay sexually sober on our own. We needed the help of another sober member of SAA to guide us in our work for our own sobriety from destructive sexually addictive behaviors. We also found it very helpful in our early sobriety to be able to call our Sponsor who gave us permission to call them. It was important for our recovery to get a Sponsor as soon as possible.
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