See acting out.
See bottom experience.
See intimacy.
Seeing women as an assemblage of breasts, legs and buttocks.
Stare at women on the street, at work, and at the gym. Dehumanizing.
Examples: euphoric recall of past sexual "acting out", attractive women in
public place, ways that sex addict has been lured into sexual escapades or
activities. Once the trigger is activated an addict still has a choice - he can
either:
- do something healthy (perform a
healthy ritual) about it
or
- move toward the middle circle / inner circle (see also "a bubble")
Sex addict wants to be "fixed" immediately. One characteristic of addicted people is that they are used to a "quick fix," and they often lack the coping skills to tolerate delays in gratification or to take their time in building a successful recovery program. They want to be better now! It is important to respond to the sex addict's need for immediate attention, but this does not mean that treatment planning will not require careful thought and possibly frequent revision.
Active sex addict: when the ecstasy of the release is spent, the addict feels remorse at his failure and is switching back to another “white knuckle” period of abstaining from the behavior until his resolve weakens again.
Recovering addict: instead of using tools of recovery - the addict is trying to use his will to control his addiction (oxymoron - an addict is powerless over his behaviors)
Term used in 12-step meeting. "No cross talk" means that when someone shares in a meeting, no one else in the meeting can respond to what that person says in terms of giving their own thoughts, reactions, or advice.
A person in the meeting can share something about themselves and their own recovery based on what another shares, but the second sharing cannot be in the form of corrections, rebuttals, or reinforcement of the first person's sharing.
For example, if one person shares that he or she thought that his or her sex addiction was caused by sexual abuse in the past, no one else should get up and say that person is all wrong or all right. Other persons can share their own experiences and thoughts about the cause or origin of their own sex- and love-addicted behaviors, but they should not be trying to change what another person has shared.
These boundaries are important in Twelve Step meetings because they are not group therapy sessions (where cross-talk is encouraged and desired).